10 Quick Religious Arguments Answered

This is a series of quick rebuttals for some very common, overly mundane, religious arguments which totally annoy me. Anyone who has given any amount of thought these arguments will likely realize my answers can be rationally defended to the point of just validation, but for the sake of argument, I will merely supply the snarky quip rather than the elongated explication.

1. All life is sacred, therefore abortion is evil because it's the same as murder.

A: No it's not, and you're a moron if you think it is. Also, if you believe all life is sacred, protest abortion, but support capital punishment, then you are a hypocrite of the worst kind--and every other opinion you might have, or ever have had, with regard to ethical questions simply doesn't amount to much and does not count. Advice: Think it through again.

2. Blasphemy is a crime.

A: No it's not. And you are a completely deluded if you think it is--because in order to claim on God's behalf that God's feelings were hurt, you'd *literally have to know the mind of God--which would make you God. Hence you would need to be delusional in order to claim any such arbitrary thing, said or written, could ever be designated as an offense or crime against God. And crazy people shouldn't be allowed to make laws. FYI: You are morally bankrupt and void of compassion and empathy if you support any blasphemy law whatsoever which punishes people for what is essentially a non-crime.

3. Atheism equals Nihilism (thus all atheists are nihilists).

A: Normally, this is what I have people do when I hear this non-argument. First, take out a pen and some paper, write down why you think so, then go home, eat the paper, and try not to choke to death on however much stupid you are cramming down your throat. Also, no it's not.

4. Pro-life is the only moral option.

A: If you mean forcing the relinquishment of a woman's right over her own body to slave-masters who dictate what she can and cannot do with her own body, then yes, perfectly moral. Oh, wait. No. No, it's not.

5. I have faith in religion and God and you have faith in science and reason. Our faith is the same.

A: No, your faith is believing in things without ways to properly test and justify those beliefs. I have *confidence in science because it works and will continue to do so for as long as it provides practical knowledge and a better understanding of the world I live. All you have is a non-explanation. 

6. I don't have enough faith to be an atheist.

A: That is an incoherent statement. Which means you probably are an idiot. Try again.

7. Pascal's Wager states...

A: Let me stop you there. Pascal's Wager only works under two conditions. The first being that there is only one true religion, Christianity, which needs to be tested for (otherwise how can the absolute claim be valid if not verified) but never is since the assumption takes it for granted that it just is. Huge reasoning fail. Secondly, it only works if you agree that a loving God would segregate believers from non-believers and would effectively torture nonbelievers forever for simply not having good enough reasons to believe--which is evil--which technically negates your concept of a "loving" God. Double fail. The best thing you could do... is just save everyone the misery of having to suffer to listen to your stupidity--and for the love of God--please shut up. Thank you in advance.

8.  Jesus died for your sins.

A: That's what the story in the Gospel says. The story written by those who never met Jesus or, for that matter, knew anyone who actually knew him. A story, mind you, written by people who lived hundreds of miles away in a different country, with a totally different culture, who were NOT likely to be Jewish, and who spoke a totally different language (of an educated aristocrat no less--meanwhile Jesus was a peasant from Galilee). A story which, by the way, gets important historical details about the region and area Jesus lived wrong. A story which borrows from the OT liberally. A story which fabricates historical events which never actually happened (e.g., the erroneous consensus in Luke, incorrect account of the massacre of innocents which didn't happen, conversations which never happened--when Joseph and the angel were alone--when Mary and the angel were alone--when Jesus was alone with Satan--when Jesus was alone in the Garden of Gethsemane, along with the resurrection which early Christian tradition is split on--yes, I know you probably are just learning this for the first time, but there was a whole group of Christians who didn't believe Jesus rose up from the dead--they were called Gnostics, a historical fact written out of the NT for obvious reasons--can't be having half of the Christians saying Jesus didn't rise up--that would be so...um... un-Christian). The story of the gospel Jesus is a story which other writers also told but which, subsequently enough, disagree with each other on key events within the *exact *same story (and by exactly the same we mean totally different).

So my question to you is, how is any of this anything but a badly told story with continuity issues and incorrect details and why should it matter to me any more than any other badly told story?

Before you attempt to answer that question, it is only fair to warn you--if you state the Bible is the final truth, or that it's all historically accurate, you will have proved yourself a moron and the conversation is over. Not because I don't find it entertaining wasting my time watching morons make fools of themselves, but because I have already heard you version of the story--which is patently wrong--demonstrably wrong--and so, in truth, you are only convincing yourself. Therefore, you have no reason to be talking to me and I have no reason to listen.

Besides all this, lots of fictional characters have been known to die and come back to life. Captain Jack Sparrow did it. Harry Potter did it too. Big frickin' whoop. The only reason you choose to worship Jesus and not Harry is because you made that choice. Don't ask me to make any such choice--because I view any such proposition as totally nonsensical. Which is simply the polite way of saying keep your crazy religion to yourself. 

9. Atheists are always angry.

A: Sometimes. Sometimes not. One thing that makes atheists angry is people telling them they're angry all the time when they're not. If you don't want atheists to be angry all the time... then stop doing that.

10. I know God is real, I know it in my heart, so there is no way you will ever convince me he's not real.

A: I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I just want you to look at the facts and make an informed decision--using your own brain and not what someone else prompts you to believe. I want you to think for yourself, use the brain you say God gave you, for Christ's sake! If after having done so, you still feel your heart knows best, well then, follow your heart to its content and be happy. But knowing something exists before something is proved to exist isn't actually knowledge--just so you know.